Fight or fall?

This year has been a hot mess. From spontaneous mini friend dates to getting a tattoo. From road trips to falling more in love with Jesus. Every second has been an adventure. I heard one time that that’s what life should be, one grand adventure.

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve struggled. I know everything will work out but that doesn’t make the struggle any easier.

I was talking with a friend about how smart Satan is. How most people are in one of two camps when it comes to him. Either they blame him for every tiny bad thing that happens … or they don’t give him nearly enough credit. I’ve learned a lot over the past few months and one of those things is that Satan is powerful and there is absolutely nothing that is off limits when it comes to him attacking your life.

AND IT SUCKS. To have someone punching you all the time. The punches are hard and they are fast and they are constant. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe, like it’s never going to get any better. He punches and I hit the floor. And it’s not like he stops once I’m down.

He brings up the mistakes of the past, the uncertainty of the future and the struggles of the present.

I’ve never felt it like I have these past few months. It’s like before, when I wasn’t trying to get to know Jesus any better, Satan was there but I wasn’t fighting him too hard. But now, now it’s a battle. It’s something that I feel every day and night.

I don’t love it … but I do love what it means for my life. Satan doesn’t fight when he has you, he fights when he’s losing you.

I have been reading my Bible more lately than I ever have before. I always thought it was a little boring and hard to get through if I’m being honest. But lately my view has been changing. Because when I am getting punched and I make the decision to read, it completely changes everything. I’ve started to discover that the Bible isn’t just a rule book or a book of stories. It is both of those things, but more than that it is a love letter. A love letter that convicts me and instructs me, but a love letter nonetheless.

Recently I read Isaiah 43 and the first part of verse 4 says, “Because you are precious in My eyes, and honored, and I love you.” And when I am ready to hit the floor that’s the verse that I look to. Because I am precious and honored and loved. The God of the universe thinks that I am precious and He loves me.

That same friend and I were talking about how sometimes it just seems too hard. Sometimes I just want to tell Satan, “Fine. I’m done. I’m done fighting and I’m done getting sucker punched. You win.”

And it would be so easy. I could still live life and be a good person. Someone who falls in love and has a family and friends. But I want more than that.

I don’t always want Jesus more than I want things in this world, but I want to want Him more. I want to want Him more than I want life to be easy. Because I want life to keep being an adventure. I want more than just to fall in love, I want to be a part of the greatest love story ever written. I want to be a part of the love story between God and His people — His people who are precious and honored and whom He loves.

By Caitlin

Editor’s Note: Caitlin is a contributor to this blog, but isn’t the only writer whose words you may see here. To read more posts by Caitlin or to see the other writers, visit the authors’ categories in the menu at the top right corner of the screen.


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