My confession is this: I kind of hate those times when people ask me to share my “testimony.”
It’s not because it’s filled with a past full of shocking sin, but because it’s pretty boring.
I grew up in a Christian home. My parents were believers. My family is full of believers. I’ve always heard the gospel, and I accepted Christ when I was very young, just after first grade. There been times when I’ve wondered … do I really know everything? Am I really sure I know? How could I have known at such a young age?
But this past season of college — the biggest time of growth in my entire life — has taught me one thing: knowing truths is so very different from believing and obeying. Knowing Christ is not centered in human knowledge. Knowing Christ is centered in His grace over my sin. Every single day.
So yes, I’ve known Jesus for most of my life. Does this mean I haven’t struggled with sin? That’s actually laughable. I’ve done things I should not have, thought things that aren’t right and said things that are not true.
And those times, when I fail and fail again as a believer, are the times when the enemy loves to drill in (so very painfully) those terrible lies-that-seem-more-like-truths like this one:
You’re a miserable failure of a “Christian,” so
there’s no way you’re actually following Him.
Ugh. It makes me sick to my stomach reading that, because I know it’s not true, and yet I believe it over and over again. Our “sin struggles” will always be real in this world. As Paul says, grace doesn’t mean we should not fight our sins.
But isn’t that encouragement? We must remember that we are sinners everyday, no less or more than the day before.
My love for him grows deeper year after year, and yet He has loved me the same through every season of my life. As a little girl who loved him simply, to a teenager who loved him and doubted Him, to a young woman who feels the weight of sin more than ever before, He has chosen me before I chose him. How great is that?
So, yes, the struggle is always real. And while we are sinners, Christ died for us.