By Margaret, The Rope Editor
Do you ever get sick of yourself? I don’t mean in a man-that-was-a-dumb-thing-to-say kind of way. I mean in a raw, irrational I-want-to-punch-the-mirror kind of way. No? Awesome.
While you’re searching for mental health institutions and the required papers for admitting crazed-sounding blog editors, I’ll explain the feeling.
From the moment you open your eyes in the morning, it’s like there’s a veil over your face that makes everything look duller and more grim than it did the day before. Your first thoughts are self-deprecating and getting out of bed seems like a feat of strength only Hercules could accomplish.
When you do manage to get out of bed (this can take awhile), all you can think about is your failures. Maybe it’s all the things you didn’t accomplish this week or the way you lost your temper with someone. Maybe it’s a bad grade on a test or missing your alarm … again. Maybe it’s not making friends like you had hoped or not being able to keep any of your New Year’s resolutions a full week.
Or maybe it’s every misstep, every shortcoming, every broken promise swirling in your mind, latching together in a weight on your spirit that is almost overwhelming.
It’s like every one of your worst moments in life are on a repeating highlight reel in your mind. You can’t just snap out of it, think happy thoughts or any other cliche that explaining your emotions to someone might produce.
If you’ve ever felt like this, you’ve had entirely too much “me” time. I don’t mean to say that you have to spend a certain number of hours in social settings or just sitting with other people to be a sane human being. If that were the case, I would’ve lost my mind long ago. (Some of you who are reading this think I already have … )
By “too much ‘me’ time,” I mean you are too inside your thoughts. I am a big fan of introspection, so I’m not suggesting a withdraw from deep thought and reflection. Instead I suggest an awareness of the power of the mind.
My momma used to — and still does — attribute so much of our issues and struggles to spiritual warfare. Every time she would begin to think about maybe possibly uttering what could even rhyme with “spiritual warfare,” my younger self would immediately roll her eyes in the most mature of exasperations and think, “Let’s not be so dramatic.” (Because obviously I know nothing of dramatization.)
But she is so right — as per usual. Our thoughts are wild. They contain what we wish could happen, what we dread happening, what we dare to reach for, what we don’t tell people … all these thoughts are constantly shifting and flipping through our mind, vying for the forefront.
They are also vulnerable, and Satan knows that. It’s so strange to think that there’s a battle for my thoughts every day. A war is constantly waging for the God-honoring to win and the dark veil to lift.
While it’s not easy, we have the choice to get out of our own thoughts and focus our minds on the only One who can win every battle of the war.
It’s not easy. It’s not even a quick shift normally. But it is the only way — He is the only way — to make the days, and especially the nights, have the kind of hope that inspires people to really live.
Have you ever had too much “me” time? Leave a comment or email firstname.lastname@example.org to let me know that I’m not completely losing my mind.