Chinks in my armor

I’m a pretty private person.

I don’t often share my emotions or problems with people, not even my closest friends and family. It’s hard for me to open up. I worry that people will judge me or think less of me because of my insecurities or vulnerabilities.

That doesn’t mean that I’m not an emotional person. It’s quite the opposite — I’m an extremely emotional person. I will cry at the smallest things, happy or sad. I just don’t express my emotions well. I find it hard to talk about difficult and personal things without getting upset.

This blog has given me an outlet to share without the interference of tears–angry, sad or happy–and the blubbering mess that comes along with them. But I haven’t always been comfortable with it—and still have days when I’m not.

Having the opportunity to contribute to The Rope has definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone. I’ve often been hesitant to share my feelings and emotions, but I have found it therapeutic. Getting out of my comfort zone has never been something that I’ve been able to do easily, but I’m almost always grateful that I did it.

I know that this blog isn’t the same as quality face-to-face time with someone who knows and cares about me, but it’s a starting point. It’s where I’ve got to start. If I can get comfortable being vulnerable through words to strangers, then hopefully I can learn to be vulnerable with my friends and family.

You see, because I have trouble talking about issues, I struggle with them I face for longer periods of time than I should. I just haven’t figured out how to talk about them yet.

So, why am I telling you about this? What could this possibly mean for you?

First of all, I think it’s important to recognize the things we struggle with. I struggle with lots of stuff, and many of those issues stem from the fact that I can’t confide in people. I hold everything in until it becomes a bigger issue.

Second, it’s important to know that other people struggle, too. Some people struggle with the same issues, and other people fight off completely different ones, but everyone battles with something. I promise no matter how perfect or put together someone’s life appears, they struggle with something.

Third, it’s important to recognize that some people have trouble opening up. Be a good friend and a good listener. Don’t judge your friend when they breaks down (whether over something major or minor). You can’t force people to be vulnerable with you, but you can be supportive when they are.

I recently opened up to a friend and shared some of the things I’m struggling with. I’ve only known her for 5 months, but because she listened and sympathized, it was easy. She didn’t make me feel crazy for feeling the way I do. It’s so important to have supportive friends and family around when our battles start raging.

So if anyone’s out there reading this, thank you for letting me write out my feelings and thoughts on this blog. Also know that no matter what you’re struggling with, you are not alone and we want to support you. Consider writing out your feelings and share with us at therope@thealabamabaptist.org.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV)


By Jessica

Jessica Ingram

Jessica Ingram is a regular contributor to The Rope. She also is the event coordinator for The Alabama Baptist/TAB Media. She graduated from Mississippi State University in 2017 and is a member of The Church at Brook Hills, Birmingham.

Share:

  • Stories podcast
  • Amplify

Get The Scroll in your inbox!